Lightbulbs . . . [Categories]

COLLEGE LIGHTBULB JOKES

How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two---one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.

How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven---one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.

How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three--one to change the bulb and two to change the keg.

How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.

How many Penn students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.

How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seventy-six--one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.

How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None--New Haven looks better in the dark.

How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him

How many MIT students does it take to change a lightbulb?
five --one to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch.

How many Vassar students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven--One to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation

How many Middlebury students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five--One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

How many Stanford students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, dude.

How many Oberlin students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three--One to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.

How many Georgetown students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four--One to change it, one to call Congress about their progress, and two to throw the old bulb at American U. students.

How many Duke students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A whole frat--but only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb out of the socket.

How many Kenyon students does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know, I couldn't find the campus.

How many Williams students does it take to change a lightbulb?
The whole student body--when you're snowed in, there's nothing else to do.

How many Tufts students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as an Ivy League student.

How many Sarah Lawrence students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five--One to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about it.

How many Swarthmore students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eight--It's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress.

How many Mount Holyoke students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--she calls a Smithie to do it.

How many Smith students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--all you need is one hot woman and you'll never have a heterosexual lightbulb again.

How many Boston University students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four--One to change the bulb and two to check his math homework.

How many Amherst students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Thirteen--One to change the bulb and an a capella group to immortalize the event in song.

How many Wesleyan students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Wesleyan's boycotting GE . . . you know, military-industrial complex and all that.

How many Connecticut College students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were at a better school the lightbulb wouldn't go out.

How many Bucknell students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--but he'll only change it if he can put in a white-light bulb.

How many Bowdoin students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three--One to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb, one to take the chairlift back to school, and one to screw it in.

How many Bard students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--but she'll only do it if it's an alternative light bulb.

How many Boston College students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seven--One to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time.

How many Reed students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--and she doesn't even need a ladder because she has platform Birkenstocks.

How many Lafayette students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--one to hold the lightbulb, and one to drink until the room spins.

COMPUTER LIGHT BULB JOKES

How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None...that's a HARDWARE problem!

How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle...

How many MIS guys does it take to change a light bulb?
MIS has received your request concerning your hardware problem, and has assigned your request Service Number 39712. Please use this number for any future reference to this light bulb issue. As soon as a technician becomes available, you will be contacted.

How many WordPerfect support technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Ok. Now, exactly how dark is it? Ok, there could be four or five things wrong . . . have you tried the light switch?

How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: two holding the ladder and one to screw the bulb into a faucet.

How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.

How many testers does it take to change a light bulb?
We just noticed the room was dark; we don't actually fix the problems.

How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?
The light bulb works fine on the system in my office . . .

How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb change message.

How long does it take a DEC repairman to change a light bulb?
It depends on how many burnt-out lightbulbs he brought with him.

How many Windows users does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but she/he'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy for him as it would be for a Macintosh user.

How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(tm) as the new industry standard.

How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.

How many shipping dept. personnel does it take to change a light bulb?
We can change the bulb in 7-10 working days; if you call before 2pm and pay an extra $15 we can get the bulb changed overnight.

MISCELLANEOUS LIGHT BULB JOKES

How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to change the bulb, and six to share the experience, and 20 to lay back and say 'WOW'.

How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, Californians screw in a hot tub!

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
I'll just sit here in the dark; it's good enough for your mother, if that's how you want it...

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, someone stole the lightbulb.

How many Jewish Princeses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to screw the bulb in, one to hold the ladder and one to get the Diet Pepsi.
The correct answer is *four*... one for each of the functions you've mentioned, and one to phone Daddy to come and change the bulb...

How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?
50. One to turn it, and 49 to handle the paperwork...

How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
*ONE, G*DD*MMIT!!!*

And how many Washingtonians does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to turn it, and nine to beat off the Californians who've come up to Share the experience...

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Lawyers don't change light bulbs. Now, if you're looking for someone to *screw* a light bulb...

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
It takes 250 just to write the research grant!

How many disc jockeys does it take to change a light bulb?
None - they'll sit in the dark 'til the engineer arrives.

How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one -- but it takes seven visits...

How many college football players does it take to change a lightbulb:
Just one -- but he gets three credits for doing it!

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
*That's not funny!*

How many Virginians does it take to change a light bulb?
Five - one to screw in the new one and four to reminisce about how good the old one was.

How many Production Designers does it take to change a light bulb?
"Does it have to be a light bulb?"

How many Teamsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
"What's it to youse!"
Alternate "24. You got a problem wit' dat, buddy?"

How many Orange County Liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
*Both* of them!

How many Film Directors does it take to change a light bulb?
One more, please, just one more!

How can you tell the teamster's kids from all the kids in the playground?
They are the ones watching the other kids play

How many outta' work actors does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifty. One to turn it, and 49 to stand around and say, "Hey, *I* could do that..."

How many Harvard Law school graduates does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. He holds the bulb, and the universe rotates around him.

How many WASPs does it take to change a Light Bulb?
At least FIVE, one to call the Electrician; one to look up the Phone Number, three to mix the Martinis, one to get the Ice, one to get the Glasses, and one to get the toothpicks. (Assuming that the Booze and Olives are already onsite (or Onions). If not, it might take many more.

And how many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to turn it. And one *not* to turn it...

How many Marines does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, the Sgt (DI preferred) just yells " Lightbulb, CHANGE" and the bulb changes itself.

How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to change it and the rest to bitch because it's electric.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one...but it takes a LONG time...and the bulb really has to WANT to change!

How many NJ Shakespeare Festival trustees does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it, and one to tell the press they're really not changing anything at all.

Copyright 1997, Edmund J. Mullen